Bitchery does not age well. Let’s dive in, shall we?
The Mouth-Pursing Grimace
Ah, the weird half-pucker of half-repressed disapproval. This move is also commonly enacted by some of the older generation when they witness something scandalous, like a same sex couple holding hands in public. But oh, how those lip-crinkles will wrinkle. In 50 years that thing will be more wrinkly than your bum-hole. And, if you’re somehow unaware of this, your bum-hole is all wrinkles.
The Furrow-&-Scowl of Irrational Fury
Every person exacts their judgement differently. Possibly the least-sensical form of judgement is the rage some people feel about things that have nothing to do with them. There’s just so much passion inside them, passion that can attach itself easily to any issue! I’ve recently seen this expression when certain humans get super irate about Caitlyn Jenner being called brave. Well, in 50 years, this much misplaced anger will result in something worse than Resting Bitch Face. You’ll reach a new level of RBF: Resting Bulldog Face. Drooping and denting in all the least attractive places, this fate proves that it’s truly impossible to hide who you are on the inside.
The Head-Cock of Condescension
After years of tilting your cranium’s weight to one side, it will start to lean on it’s own. We’re talking cartilage wear and tear, a total posture implosion, and, eventually, the possibility of you getting stuck that way. With enough muscular atrophy, anything is possible! A word of kindness, because that’s the point of this whole damn list: if you’re stuck in that limp, asymmetrical state, make sure not to shave your head or wear a rain jacket. Ever. You’ll instantly look like a walking case of whiskey dick. Hilarious for everyone but you, assuming you’ve spent the last 50 years shitting on them from your high horse.
Yes, I know, all of this might be hard to hear. And no, it was not delivered in the nicest possible way, but then I was always the kid in pre-K who beat up the bullies. Regardless, I hope that think twice the next time you feel that jonesin' to judge. It hurts you more than it hurts them.
Don’t be a dick, cause that scowl can stick.
***background photo copyright timies_art***