I started watching The Bachelor as an ironic group activity, but there’s truly no better way to shut off your brain and forget your own problems than by watching this madness unfold week to week. Here is a drinking game that I’ve put together for the next two nights of The Bachelorette, as it’s on two nights this week to maximize the use of their villain before he is ultimately disposed of. I assume.
- Drink every time one of the guys wears a suit so tight you think it’s gonna burst. Drink again every time they move in such a way you worry it might hit bursting point. Down your drink if one of those suckers actually pops
- Drink every time a man mentions “butterflies,” “fireworks,” or feeling “giddy.”
- Drink every time any/all of the men break out in song. Drink twice if it’s that same damn JoJo song they spent last week bellowing.
- Drink every time a man gets critical about something that is clearly a regular aspect of the show, so why did they sign up?
- Drink every time someone mentions Jordan Roger’s brother.
- Take a shot every time they go in a sky vehicle of any kind.
- Drink every time two dudes (or more!) have an uncomfortable glare-off.
- Drink every time JoJo says something deluded and clearly wrong about one of the men.
- Take a shot every time inter-male violence is threatened.
- Drink every time a slouchy beanie appears onscreen!
- Drink every time you hear “protein shake.”
- Take a shot for every weird, private concert that happens on a one-on-one date.
- Drink every time someone overreacts.
- Take a shot every time a guy takes of his clothes for no real reason.
- Drink every time a man makes fun of another man’s appearance! (You could get drunk on that alone)
- Drink 2 glasses of water as the previews for next week roll, as you likely can’t stand up anymore.
For those of you who only do wine when you watch the franchise, I wish you luck.