Keeping Ump with the Trumps
You know how Kris Jenner makes her daughters roll their eyes and groan on the daily? Imagine if Donald Trump was your dad. You’d probably roll your eyes so hard and so often that they’d get stuck up there, pointing at the ceiling. Idiocy is enthralling, which becomes clear as we all gleefully dissect each of Trump’s political missteps. The man should not be allowed to so much as sit on a City Council, but watching him pad around the house in his robe with his five children (and God knows how many grandchildren) in a constant state of mortification? I think they’d get the ratings.
Dating After Disney
Who watched that late 90’s/early 2000’s quality Disney Channel programming? Who loves those “Where are they now?” articles? Who has wanted to claw their eyes out because the Bachelorette contestants are so damn boring? All the above? Then how about we take those DC stars, the ones who we all fostered crushes for but then they didn’t blow up big like Miley, and put them on their own dating show? It would be like hundreds of crossover episodes combined! This is the stuff that fanfiction and Tumblr dreams are made of! I miss that Phil of the Future bashfulness, and Raviv Ullman could totally bust it out to sweep some ladies off their feet. Other contestants I’d like to see? Chelsea and Eddie from That’s So Raven, Brenda Song, Gordo from Lizzie McGuire, the older brother from Wizards of Waverly Place, and maybe even Beans from Even Stevens, for the wildcard factor. BTW, Evan Peters was also on Phil of the Future, so if he ends up single...
The TruQueen Show
File this one under pipiest of pipe dreams. Truman didn’t know that his life was under a magnifying glass, but Beyoncé sure knows that hers is! While I have a hard time imagining getting hooked on the minute-by-minute life of an every-man, I would absolutely tune in to a Beyoncé live stream. We’d get to see behind the scenes of her many #flawless music videos, check out Bey in the studio, get some clarity on the Solange/Jay Z mess, and generally fawn over the planet’s only perfect person. But, obviously, this one will never ever happen. And even if it did, basically none of us could see it, because you know it would be streamed exclusively via Tidal.
Wait...did I just figure out how to make Tidal relevant? COPYRIGHT! I COPYRIGHT THIS! 1:10 PM August 13, 2015. Copyright. Call me, Jay. We’ll discuss terms.